Aloof Personality: Understanding Their Reserved Nature

In personality psychology, an aloof personality describes someone who’s socially and emotionally reserved, detached, and self-contained. Highly independent and self-controlled, aloof people can be hard to get to know; they often appear cold, unapproachable, and indifferent, which is why many perceive them as intimidating.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into the aloof personality, covering its traits, strengths and weaknesses, growth tips, and correlation with Enneagram types. Let’s begin.

What Is an Aloof Personality? 5 Typical Traits

An aloof personality is a personality style characterized by a calm, self-contained, emotionally distant demeanor. While aloofness can be a symptom of certain personality disorders, such as the schizoid personality disorder, aloof personality disorder isn’t an actual diagnosis. Rather than a clinical diagnosis, it is a label used to describe withdrawn individuals.

Below is an overview of the main aloof personality traits, including emotional distance, preference for solitude, and others:

#1. Emotional Distance

People with an aloof personality aren’t the type to wear their hearts on their sleeves. They usually keep others at arm’s length, rarely revealing their feelings or connecting with those around them on an emotional level. This, coupled with the fact that they can be very selective about who they hang out with, can make them appear cold or arrogant.

However, their emotional distance and detachment don’t necessarily signal indifference or arrogance. More often than not, such individuals simply prefer to avoid public displays of emotion because they value their privacy and are uncomfortable with emotional vulnerability.

#2. Calm Demeanor

A calm demeanor is a telltale trait of an aloof personality. People with this personality style are often serene and composed, even under pressure. They prioritize maintaining inner peace over engaging in external chaos or conflict.

Furthermore, these individuals often observe and analyze their surroundings. As such, they keep to themselves and typically only speak when they feel like they have something valuable to add to the conversation. Due to this, they often seem distant yet confident, staying calm even when provoked.

#3. Preference for Solitude

People with an aloof personality are comfortable with solitude, so much so that they’d rather be alone than around people whose company they don’t particularly enjoy. While some people feel lonely when they’re alone, these individuals find solitude liberating. It allows them to recharge, self-reflect, and pursue their interests without any distractions.

Moreover, these people are highly independent and self-reliant. It’s not that they dislike other people; they simply need to spend time alone to maintain mental and emotional balance, and they pride themselves on their ability to handle challenges and make decisions on their own.

#4. High Self-Control

An aloof personality is marked by a strong sense of self-control, with people with this personality style viewing self-restraint as a sign of inner strength. Because they tend to be emotionally detached and self-disciplined, they rarely, if ever, lose their temper.

Additionally, these individuals usually have an internal locus of control, believing that their actions directly affect the course of their lives. As such, they take responsibility for their decisions and strive to remain in control of their lives instead of allowing external circumstances to shape them.

#5. Low Need for External Validation

Social expectations, praise, or approval mean little to the aloof personality, meaning people with this temperament draw self-worth from within instead of seeking external validation. Since their self-concept isn’t influenced by other people’s opinions, they are usually immune to peer pressure and display relatively high personality consistency.

And while many people seek recognition, this isn’t typically the case for these individuals. Instead of craving admiration, they find satisfaction in self-improvement and personal achievements, even if no one knows about them.

Aloof Personality vs. Introverted Personality

Although both the aloof personality and the introverted personality share a reserved attitude and a preference for solitude, their motivations differ significantly.

While people with this personality enjoy being alone because it helps them remain independent and self-reliant, introverted personalities require solitude to recharge their social batteries. And although most individuals with aloof personalities identify as introverts, not all introverts are aloof.

Here’s a table that outlines the key differences between aloof and introverted personalities:

Strengths and Weaknesses of an Aloof Person

While some people perceive aloofness as a negative trait, the truth is that an aloof personality comes with both strengths and weaknesses. Learning more about them can help you form deeper bonds with such individuals in your life or, if you identify as an aloof person, navigate work, relationships, and everyday situations more effectively.

On this note, let’s explore the key strengths and weaknesses of an aloof personality.

Aloof Personality Strengths

The main strengths of an aloof personality include:

• Authenticity. These individuals care little about social expectations; they let their values and personal beliefs guide their decisions. As such, they can easily embody their true, authentic selves and avoid falling into the trap of people-pleasing behaviors.
• Independence. People with an aloof personality don’t depend on external validation. Because they have a strong sense of autonomy, they are decisive and rarely, if ever, rely on others to solve their problems.
• Emotional stability. These people know how to manage emotions instead of letting them take the reins. As such, they are reliable and predictable in both personal and professional settings, remaining calm and composed at all times.

Aloof Personality Weaknesses

Here are some weaknesses of an aloof personality:

• Emotional restraint. Aloof individuals can seem rather cold, even though they may feel emotions as deeply as anyone else. Because of this, some people may think they’re unapproachable or disinterested.
• Intimacy challenges. Forming close, intimate bonds with others can be challenging for those with such a personality, as they keep most people at a distance.
• Resistance to feedback. Because these people rely on themselves rather than seeking other people’s approval, they may find it difficult to accept feedback, guidance, or criticism. Some of them also have a disdain for authority figures due to their individualistic natures.

What Are Aloof Individuals Like in Relationships?

In relationships, these individuals are emotionally reserved and independent. They usually need time to open up to others and may seem detached at first, but once you gain their trust, they can make consistent and dependable significant others, friends, and coworkers.

Aloof people want to preserve their personal space and maintain their privacy even in romantic relationships, so they typically avoid clingy and needy people. Since they struggle with emotional expression, you shouldn’t expect public displays of affection from them.

Nonetheless, such individuals are typically more than happy to express love in subtle yet consistent ways, such as being present during difficulties and checking in with you regularly.

Regarding friendships, people with an aloof personality are typically very selective; they’d rather have one or two close friends than a bunch of acquaintances. While making friends isn’t something they typically prioritize, they, too, appreciate having a small circle of people who value meaningful bonds over superficial connections.

At work, individuals with this personality often prefer independent tasks, as collaborating with others can be draining for them. However, they often emerge as leaders in stressful situations due to their composure.

Ultimately, the key to dealing with aloof people both in personal and professional settings lies in respecting their autonomy. They’ll appreciate anyone who gives them plenty of time and space to be themselves without trying to mold them into someone else.

How to Grow and Improve as an Aloof Person

To grow and improve as an aloof person, consider practicing emotional expression, seeking constructive feedback, embracing collaboration, and deepening your self-awareness. This way, you can become a better, more fulfilled version of yourself without losing your authenticity.

Here’s how these strategies can help you grow:

• Embrace collaboration. One of the most effective ways these people can grow is by developing stronger collaboration skills. Learning how to work in tandem with others and delegate tasks when needed can help you thrive in any professional setting.
• Seek constructive feedback. Since people with an aloof personality are quite resistant to feedback, one way you can improve yourself is by becoming more open to it. Understanding how your attitude and behavior affect others can help you enhance your communication skills and relationships.
• Deepen your self-awareness. Self-awareness is key to personal growth. Journaling, taking personality tests, or working with a professional can help you get to know and understand yourself on a deeper level, allowing you to identify areas for self-improvement.
• Practice emotional expression. Being open about your feelings isn’t easy for aloof individuals, but it is the straightest path to personal growth. So, allow yourself to express your emotions more freely, even if it means confiding in just one friend you can wholeheartedly trust.

Aloof Personality and Enneagram Types

Nearly all Enneagram types can adopt an aloof personality at certain points in their lives, especially when they’re stressed out or unhealthy. However, some are more likely to have this personality than others.

Generally speaking, the Enneagram Type 2 and Type 7 are rarely, if ever, aloof. Driven by a desire to be loved, Twos center their lives around relationships. Sevens, meanwhile, are high-spirited, playful individuals who actively engage with the physical world and other people.

Meanwhile, Types 5, 8, and 9 are most likely to be described as aloof. Let’s see how it manifests in each of these Enneagram personalities.

Enneagram 5

The Enneagram Type 5 is highly likely to have an aloof personality, as people with this personality type value their privacy and independence. Moreover, they are emotionally reserved. Because they prioritize logic above emotions, they may seem detached, especially because they tend to observe their environment without engaging much with it.

Like Fives, individuals with this Enneagram wing (specifically, Enneagram 4w5 and 6w5 personalities) can also appear aloof.

Enneagram 8

Some individuals belonging to the Enneagram Type 8 can appear aloof, as they maintain firm personal boundaries that help them protect their autonomy. Eights also typically remain self-restrained and composed because they don’t want to seem vulnerable, which can create an aura of distance.

Enneagram 9

The Enneagram Type 9 may seem aloof, even though people belonging to it are quite accommodating. However, Nines desire peace and harmony, so they typically avoid conflict at all costs. When faced with it, they may disengage or withdraw into their inner worlds to create a sense of inner calm.

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Key Takeaways

Now that we’ve explored the ins and outs of an aloof personality, it’s time to reiterate the key points of this article:

• Some traits of this personality include a preference for solitude, a calm demeanor, and emotional reticence.
• Practicing emotional expression, developing stronger collaboration skills, and seeking feedback from others can help aloof individuals grow and improve.
• Enneagram Types 5, 8, and 9 are most likely to have this personality, whereas Types 2 and 7 are the least likely to be aloof.

Aloof Personality FAQ